


better left unsaid

by staellula



Series: the kraken and the shadow [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staellula/pseuds/staellula
Summary: struggling to keep your feelings hidden, you try to keep your distance as much as possible. diego doesn’t let that go unnoticed.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Reader
Series: the kraken and the shadow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944796
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	better left unsaid

The teal wall of Elliot's tiny kitchen felt like the most interesting thing in the world right now. You're sitting on one of the chairs around the small table, one foot propped on it and the other stretched on the other in front of you, deep in thought. 

The strange thing wasn’t the dread growing in the pit of your stomach - that’s a perfectly normal reaction to the end of the world. You know because you’ve been there before, just a few months ago. Before you were dropped in an alleyway in the middle of the 1960’s, before you lost all the family you had left, before you were left to your own devices.

Before you lost Diego, just after finding him again.

What was strange was that this funny blue feeling you had didn’t start when Five jumped into the diner you’ve been working as a waitress to try and make ends meet, going on and on about how the apocalypse followed you and your siblings here and how, this time, he had no idea how to stop it, all the while downing all the coffee you just had made in one go. No, that feeling began just a couple of days ago, when you and Five found Diego hiding in a car with a strange girl you’ve never seen before.

Turned out, her name was Lila, and she was all over him, every second of the day. And no matter how many times you told yourself you were being childish to not like her just because she was close to him, you couldn’t help but turn your head the other way when you saw them together. You understood, though. They went through a lot in that mental hospital, there was no way you could imagine what it was like - but it stung, nonetheless.

It stung because you and Diego had once been close too, in what felt like another lifetime. When the two of you were children and you were the only thing, besides a knife perfectly hitting a target and Griddy’s doughnuts, that made him smile. When, after everything fell apart, it was just the two of you against the world. Even after life drove you down different paths, there wasn’t a day where you didn’t think of him. 

There’s where your problem lied. Ever since 2019 happened, you couldn’t bring yourself to not think about Diego, and that confused you to no end. As much as you always knew, deep down, that you loved him, it wasn’t until then that you started to realize you saw him differently - the more rugged version of the boy you knew, with that handsome rogue charm, even more stubborn and angrier than before, but with a soft spot on the left side of his chest reserved just for you. Always, you.

That love scared you, though. So much that you vowed to hide it. The possibilities of it ruining everything you had - the friendship, the trust - with him were enough to make you keep your mouth shut and your distance from him. It was that way in 2019, and it still is in 1963. Besides, there was the fact that, in your mind, as much as he deeply cared for you too, he would never love you like that. Not in your original timeline, and even less in this weird, new one, where apparently, he’d already found himself someone else.

The sound of heavy steps bring you back to reality, tearing your attention from the pretty turquoise colored wall. You’d recognize the sound of those boots anywhere.

If anything, you’re glad to see Diego on his feet again. After what Reginald did to him, you were scared to think that if Lila didn’t find him in time, he wouldn’t be here with you today - at least for that, you are grateful for her. 

“Hey.” He greets you, pulling on the chair you’re resting your foot on. In turn, you greet him silently with a smile. Then, he pulls the chair closer, right in front of you, and sits. Your knees are touching, and for a moment, it feels like nothing has changed. As much as you craved his company and wanted him close, now was not a good time for you - but you weren’t about to push him away, you didn’t have the courage to do it.

"I don't think I've said it before, but I… I missed you. A lot." His voice is low, something for your ears only. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

The lump that is growing on your throat stops you from being eloquent - when you open your mouth, no sound comes out of it. He is close, so close you can see the lighter specks of gold in his warm brown eyes and the ridge of the small scar on his right eyebrow. You don't know how he got this one, but, ever since you saw it for the first time, you felt an urge to kiss it. You'd kiss every one of his scars, if you could.

You look away, sighing, trying to shake the invasive thought from your head before you act impulsively on it. 

Two of his long, elegant fingers find your chin, delicately tilting your head towards him. That never ceases to surprise you. The way Diego always treated you with care, the way he touches you reverently, as if you were breakable, even if he knew it was the complete opposite.

"You're so quiet, Y/N. What happened to you?" His fingers slip from your face, but not before ghosting over your jawline. You miss the feeling of them when they’re gone.

All you can offer him is a nod and a sad smile. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine… and I've missed you too. I just wish we had found each other sooner."

_I wish I could tell you what I feel. I wish you felt that way too. I wish the world wasn't ending and falling on our heads all over again. I wish we had more time. I wish we could be happy, for once._

As you look into Diego's eyes once again - he's nodding at you but he looks distant, like he's lost in thought. There's something different in his eyes, a softer look, you dare to think that he looks at you as if you are the only thing he can see - all these unsaid things start reeling through your mind, slowly driving you crazy. 

You tell yourself that you'd rather drive yourself crazy than to risk a lifetime of companionship you had with the man in front of you. Your partner in crime, your best friend - the one you loved and missed so dearly.

"But we did, didn't we? We found each other. We always do." On top of the table, his hand finds yours. It’s comforting, it feels like home. The dam behind your eyes threatens to break, but it doesn’t.

Diego was right. You found each other, and that was enough for now. Some things are better left unsaid.

**Author's Note:**

> i was going through some not very healthy feelings today, and it turned out that the best way of dealing with it was... writing! so i came up with this little thing. i’m thinking about coming up with a sequel for it, i may have some ideas for it already...  
> anyway, let me know what you think! i’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. thanks for reading!


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